So I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow morning. I’ve been waiting for this for 3 weeks now and I have got no idea what to say or how to describe anything anymore. My head is filled with cotton wool or something and I can barely think through an entire sentence… I’ve had to re-write little bits of this about a dozen times
My brain feels like it has been replaced with cotton wool or something. It’s not letting me think straight. I can’t rationalise anything, I’m not in control of anything anymore.
Part of me knows that I’m sick and that I need to get medical help for my mental health… But another part keeps thinking ‘what if they’re in on it?’ Will I just be making the situation worse by letting them know that I know?
They’re keeping me scared so that I don’t do anything that they don’t want me doing
They’ve told me that they’re watching me at work. I know that they are waiting for me to screw up so that they can fire me. And I’m not sure but I think that the builders who replaced the radiator in my room a few weeks ago and left a hole in my ceiling planted a camera for them. It’s obvious from the way some of them look at me, like they know stuff. I hate feeling scared all of the time… I need to get some plaster to fix the hole but dad won’t let me… he’s probably in on it.
I’ve been getting so paranoid recently… everybody is looking at me, something is going to attack me, people are making fun of me constantly. It’s only a matter of time until I get another panic attack and that’s just making me more anxious and I can’t think straight.
It’s 8.00 in the morning and I already know it’s a bad day!